Time's Gone By
by DarkSideAngel
Summary: I’m not starting when I first met him, or even the first time he asked me out. The story would be way too long. My name’s Lily Evans, and unless you’re really slow, like some of my friends, you’ve probably figured out that this is all about James
1. 2 Friends And 4 Assholes in One Day

A/N: This is my first Lily/James fic. So work with me. And if you actually think I own Harry Potter etc. I am very honored but unfortunately it was not me but JKR who came up with the brilliant idea. So without further interruptions, here is **Past's Gone By**

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            I've got a story to tell. Or so Belinda tells me, I was going on about how in 20 years I so will not be looking back on how I met him. I mean really 20 years from now we'll probably be broken up, I don't know anyone who met their soul mate in school. But anyways, I was going on like that and she says something like, 'won't you want to tell your daughter how you met the love of your life?' And I was like, 'hell no, and who says he's the love of my life anyway'. And she just gave me a look. One of those that says, 'Give me a break, I know and you know that you two are going to live happily ever after'. God, people have been giving me that look a lot lately. So here I am, writing this, but I want whoever's reading this to know, that it's under protest. 

            So where do I start, I've never even written in a diary before. I don't know what I'm supposed to write. I'm not starting when I first met him, or even the first time he asked me out. The story would be way too long. 

            My name's Lily Evans, and unless you're really slow, like some of my friends, you've probably figured out that this is all about James Potter. Sounds kind of familiar, huh? Everything's about guys, isn't it? You know, before fourth year, I hated guys. Okay I lied, I never hated guys, I've hated some guys, but never guys in general. I just ignored them, they weren't important. 

            I suppose I should start in fourth year then, since I just mentioned it, but nothing really happened until fifth year. And I'm just plain lazy and don't feel like writing four years. Not to mention, except for the fact that guys became 'hot' and suddenly interesting, fourth year was a bore. So I guess that means that I'm starting in fifth year. Well here goes…

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            This was before I had any friends. I mean I had some friends, but not any close ones. Everyone just assumed because I did all my homework and read at lunch that I was a teacher's pet, a suck up, and quiet. And if you haven't noticed, once you get me started, I never shut up. But I let them keep believing it because I didn't want anyone to bother me. I thought I was doing just fine. 

            The only person who had noticed me was James Potter. Or as some call him, 'The Sex God Of Hogwarts', well actually that's what they call Sirius, I'm not really sure what they called James, but it was something like that. I don't even know what he saw in me, sitting all alone at dinner.  But one day he came up and asked me out. I knew what he was like though, and I knew that the relationship would mean nothing, he'd sleep with me and we'd break up the next day. So I denied him the amusement.

            What am I doing? I said I'd start at fifth year, and here I am talking about third. Okay, I'll really start now, and anytime you need to know something that happened beforehand, I'll just tell you. So onto the train, fifth year. 

            I lugged my trunk onto the train, after a long tear filled good bye with my parents, and turned down the hallway, looking for an empty compartment. In the first door I opened sat Belinda. She was in my year, and a Griffindor, so I knew her, but we didn't really _know_ each other. She had (well still has) light brown hair, with blonde highlights that I envy her for, and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. She's not extremely pretty, but she's not ugly at all. She hadn't many friends either, so I figured she wouldn't mind if I sat down. 

            "Can I sit here?" At my voice she looked up, smiling she shrugged.

            "Sure." I had noticed that, like myself, she didn't talk much. But I guessed that also like myself, she'd open up. So after I had dragged my trunk into the compartment, and collapsed into a seat, I looked up at her and asked cheerfully.

            "So, how was your summer?" She sort of looked confused, like I was on crack or something as she answered.

            "Um, fine." I nodded.

            "Mine sucked." Her eyes grew really wide, now she was sure that I was wasted. She sort of raised her eyebrows and pretended not to hear me. "I had to spend it with my family, they completely hate me because I'm a witch. They so don't get that I'm the same person I was. I'm muggle born." I added, as an after thought. She nodded, unsure as to why I was talking to her. We may have been in the same room for 5 years but we had never really talked. Sure enough, she asked.

            "Why are you talking to _me_? You're a goody two shoes, who would never even think of sneaking out of school to Hogsmede, which you know as well as I do, is my favorite hobby. Why are you suddenly interested in how my summer was?" See what I mean. People assume that just because I don't talk to those I don't know, and turn in my homework, I'm a goody two shoes. And that is exactly what I told her. Okay, not exactly.

            "I beg to differ. I happen to have snuck out of school many times. You remember Christine, she graduated last year, we were friends, and she now works at The Three Broomsticks. So I get free sodas and help on my homework. And I'm not a goody two shoes, I resent that. Just because I actually turn in my homework on time, people suppose that I'm  a perfect teacher's pet, which I'm not." I noticed that Belinda was smiling and when I asked why she answered.

            "I've never heard you say more than five words, and here you are, refusing to shut up!" I grinned. "I think I'm gonna like you." I laughed at that.

            The ride to Hogwarts was rather enjoyable, for the first time in all my years riding it. There was a little incident with the Marauders…

            The trolley lady had just left, leaving Belinda and I with a fairly good sized pile of treats, which we were pigging down on. The door swung open and in walked the four trouble makers of the school, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and of course their ring leader James Potter. As they strolled in Belinda and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. Apparently she hated the Marauders as much as I did, which was something I found very comforting in a friend. 

            As James sauntered in, followed by his associates, suddenly the lights flickered out, as we learned later, Peter had accidentally flipped the switch, being the smart ass he is. I groaned and heard Belinda gasp across from me. 

            "It's okay ladies, we'll protect you." I recognized James' voice trying to assure us, but all it did was piss me off. 

            "What exactly would you be protecting us from?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my lips (ha, I've always wanted to say that). "The dark?" 

            "We know it can be very frightening," Sirius said, trying to be extremely calm and sober, something very difficult for him. "But don't worry, I'll be right here." 

            "Sirius Black that better not be your hand on my ass!" Belinda shrieked, and then I heard a slap, as her hand hit his face. I turned to where I assumed James was and glared, even though it was pitch dark and he couldn't see it.

            "If you get anywhere near me, I swear I will beat the shit out of you!" As I lectured Remus spoke up.

            "Uh Lily, I'm not planning on it, I don't like you like that." I groaned.

            "Not you Remus, James!"

            "Oh you mean me?" His voice came from behind me, cheerful as usual. 

            "No the other James in the compartment!" I joked. "Yes you!" 

            As I felt a hand on my shoulder I heard him say, slyly. "So you wouldn't want me to do this?" Sliding his hand down my arm. I stood quickly, and spun around.

            "What the hell are you up to? If you wanted to make yet another move on me you could have done it with the lights on. Either way I'm gonna shoot you down!" I continued shouting, just basically throwing it in his face, telling him why I wouldn't go out with him, not that he was listening. As I screamed Peter spoke up from the corner, flicking the lights back on.

            "Sorry guys, my bad." His voice was quiet and timid, as if he was scared that someone would hurt him. He spoke like that a lot I noticed. As the lights came back on I saw Sirius in another corner nursing his reddened cheek and Belinda standing, looking very proud of herself. James had a smirk on his face, not like he's got any other expression, and Remus was standing behind me, not sure whether to laugh at his friends for both being shut down or to be relieved that no one had slapped him. 

            Of the four Remus would be considered the nice one. We weren't exactly friends, but we weren't enemies either. We had an unspoken agreement to be civil to each other. Sirius as you have probably figured out is the, well, pervert, but I guess you could call James that too. Well now I wouldn't but 2 years ago I probably would. And little Peter Pettigrew the 'I'll do anything you tell me to because you're so cool' kind of guy, every group needs one you know. 

            Reaching into our pile of candy and pulling out a chocolate frog James asked. "So how have you girls been, haven't seen you all summer you know." I snatched the chocolate frog from his hands and unwrapped it myself.

            "That was the best part." I said cheerfully, popping the chocolate into my mouth before he could take it back. 

            "Come on Lils, you know you missed me." There he goes, using his seduction voice, the 'you know you want my body' one. Really you'd think that he'd have gotten by then that I didn't like him and never was going to like him, if he was as smart as everyone says. But I guess it's good that he didn't give up, or I wouldn't be here writing this. Did any of that make any sense at all?

            "James, let's go," Remus said from his corner. Not only is Remus the nice one he's also the considerate one. Why'd I choose James again? No I'm kidding.

            James sort of groaned, but he stood up to leave.

            "See you at the feast ladies." Was all he said before he left.

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            James just came in and asked what I was writing. I told him: 'Oh just how much of and asshole I thought you were in 5th year'. He smiled and rolled his eyes. Somehow, I don't think he believed me. Instead of leaving like I suggested (okay maybe 'sod off' isn't a suggestion) he sauntered over to me and threw an arm around my shoulders. I knew he was just trying to get a glimpse at this so I promtly turned it over. He groaned.

            "Come on Lils," He said, using that damn voice again. "You can show me." And then he gave me the puppy eyes. Too bad for him they don't work, he's really got to get some new material. I told him that too, he didn't appreciate it much though. Either that or he didn't believe me, because he just snuggled closer and kissed me on the cheek. I turned away, there's no way I'm letting him read this. At least not until we're married. Did I just say married? God, I don't want to think that far ahead. Seriously (no pun intended) if he knew what I really thought back in 5th year, or if he saw that I think Remus is the nice one, he'd dump me here and now. And come on, I really don't want to get dumped. I've put too much effort into this relationship. Okay, I'm rambling, James eventually did go away, basically because I've got him wrapped around my little finger.

            So back to 5th year, where was I, oh yes, the feast.

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            So Belinda and I were sitting there making fun of all the adorable little first years, who all looked scared out of their minds. I wonder if we looked like that. Oh well, we were relaxing when the girl next to Belinda leaned over and asked. 

            "Did you hear what happened over the summer?" I of course being isolated from the Wizard world had no idea what she was talking about so I shook my head. Her eyes lit up and she grinned, evidently she was very excited about something. 

            "Remus and Casey broke up!" I remember being very stunned. Casey and Remus had been the perfect couple, it was somewhat nauseating actually. They had always been hanging all over each other, and let me tell you, that's very depressing when you don't have a boyfriend. Belinda gasped, one thing you've got to understand is she's a romantic. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, we're best friends, just you've got to recognize this before you try to befriend her. 

            "What happened? They were the perfect couple!" I agreed, and told them my shpeal on it being sickening. 

            "Supposedly," Leslie (as we discovered later was her name) started. Let me tell you something. It's never a good thing, when someone starts a story with 'supposedly'. "Remus told Sirius, that he thought this girl named Kayla was pretty, and then he lied to Casey about it. But Casey had already heard from Meghan, who heard from her cousin Bert who over heard Remus and Sirius talking." Okay, is it just me, or is that really immature, to break up with a guy because you heard from someone who heard from someone else that he thought a girl was pretty?! 

            "Oh my god! How could Remus do something like that?!" Was Belinda's opinion, apparently Casey didn't appreciate us talking about her, when she was sitting right across the table, which none of us had realized. 

            "Uh guys." She spoke up, and both Belinda and Leslie gasped. As I tell her when ever she puts herself down, Casey is gorgeous. But she doesn't go around flaunting it. She leaves her short dark brown down most of the time, or up in a bun. And she hardly ever wears makeup with the exception of the occasional mascara and eyeliner. "I just want to set you straight. I did not break up with Remus because he said Kayla was hot. That's really not something you can break up with a guy for." And that is were our friendship began. See this was a good year, I got two new friends _in one day!_ God I'm good.

            "I completely agree," I said, leaning across the table to talk. " And I'm not just saying that. So what did happen?" She sort of looked down at the plate in front of her, like it hurt to talk about.

            "I didn't even break up with him." Another gasp from the peanut gallery. 

            "Oh my God I'm so sorry." Leslie, although a gossip, was also very nice. 

            "I went to go see a movie with Ian," She sighed, very much regretting it now. "He's my best friend, and a muggle so I don't see him much. He's got a moped and so he drove me home, and I gave him a hug. Unfortunately Remus had showed up and wasn't too happy when he saw me hugging a strange guy. I tried to explain that me and Ian were just friends, but he didn't buy it." She sighed again and looked up at us. "So he said that he never wanted to talk to me again. And here I am, for the first time in a year, sitting at the dinner table with Remus at the other end." I felt kind of bad for her, she didn't deserve that. Which was why I stood up to tell Remus exactly what I thought of him. 

            Casey stopped me though. "What do you think you're doing?" Was what she said as I got up. I sort of gave her a look, like 'isn't it obvious?' 

            "I'm going to go tell Remus how much of an asshole he is." I answered. 

            "He's not an asshole." She was still standing up for the guy. Now that was dedication. 

            "How can you say that?" Belinda asked beside me. "The guy didn't even trust you enough to believe you when you said you were just friends with Ian. I'm with Lily, let's tell Remus exactly what we think of him." And she stood too. Oh calm down, the feast had started and all the little first years were sitting, so we didn't make complete fools of ourselves. Belinda followed me down to the other end of the Griffindor table where we shoved Sirius and James, who were on either side of Remus, out of the way and sat down smiling. 

            James, who I had collapsed next to, grinned and asked: "So, finally decided to confess your undying love for me?" 

            Laughing weakly I answered. "Ha, but no. We came to talk to Remus, and you just happened to have been in my way." Turning to Remus I smiled cheerfully. "So Remus, friend, how ya been?" He looked confused, as if he had missed something, which of course he had, and answered.

            "Uh, fine."

            Belinda put a hand on his shoulder to turn his attention to her. "That's great, really wonderful." She said all this with a fake cheerful voice. "But that's really not what we came to talk about." I shook my head.

            "Nope, what we really came to talk to you about is how much we think you suck." I continued with the joyful tone. Remus looked somewhat started, by the fact that I just said I thought he sucked. "You see, I've got two friends, which is pretty good for me. And you know what I hate?" He shook his head faintly. "When people make my friends depressed. Can you guess who it was that pissed me off?" He started to understand, and suddenly became very interested in his mashed potatoes. "Take a stab at it." 

            "Uh, me?" He asked, under his breath.

            "Ding Ding Ding! We've got a winner." Belinda kept up the cheerful voice. "And can you guess what exactly it was that you did?" Remus started to stir around his pumpkin pie, still refusing to look at either of us. 

            "I don't want to talk about it." He abruptly became very confident, as if he actually thought he had done the right thing. "She was the one who went to a movie with some other guy." 

            "Hello! The guy's her best friend! What are you forbidding her to even look at another guy?" I mean come on, who did this guy think he was? I didn't say that though, I thought he might get a bit upset. 

            Belinda followed that up by saying: "You don't trust her enough to let her talk to another guy! How do you ever think your relationship is going to work out if you can't even trust each other?!" She was getting rather worked up, as was I, and people around us were starting to stare. 

            "Although that's really not a problem any more is it?" I asked, and maybe my voice was getting a little tiny bit too loud. "Because you made sure that there wouldn't be any relationship!"

            "Uh Lily," James said from my right. 

            "What?" I asked, my patience running thin. 

            "Just that people are starting to gawk." I glanced around and people were indeed watching our little conversation very intently. I smiled weakly at our audience before turning back to Remus. 

            "She deserves another chance," My voice got quiet, and I stared into his eyes, making sure he understood what I was saying. He sighed deeply, one of those, 'God you're right' sighs, okay no not really, but he did sigh. It was more like a 'what the hell am I going to do?' sigh. 

            "Am I just supposed to forget that she went to the movies with some guy?" He asked, with the 'come on, what are you thinking' tone.

            "Yes," Belinda answered quietly. "The guy was her best friend, you've got to believe that she honestly didn't want to hurt you. But you've also got to trust her enough to let her have some guy friends." He nodded.

            "You're right, I know you're right." 

            I smiled, God you could so tell they were in love. "She misses you." I told him, to which he smiled. "And I can see you miss her." I wonder if I look like that when I think about James, the sappy look people get in their eyes. He glanced down the table to where Casey was sitting, staring straight at him. With the same look in her eyes. I guess I lied, at the beginning of this, when I said I don't know anyone who met their soul mate in school. Because when Casey and Remus look at each other like that I truly believe that they're meant to be together for the rest of their lives. 

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            I looked up from writing this, and saw James standing in the doorway, gazing at me, with the look. I love when he looks at me like that, I feel like I'll always be happy. When he saw me watching him he smiled. God I love that smile. I love his dark brown eyes, that sometimes I think I could get lost in. I love how his hair sticks up, defying any gel or comb. I love how he looks in the morning when I come to wake him up in his dormitory. How he rolls over once, and then his eyes creep open and his drunken smile stretches across his face when he sees me standing over him. I love how he wakes me up on the random morning he gets up early, just to prove that he can. He'll pull the covers back and climb in behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Snuggling into my neck he'll breathe slow, later claiming that he just loves the way I smell. 

            Come to think of it I love the way he smells. Like the colon that his mother bought him, and he refused to wear, so he stuck it in his trunk. And on the way here it spilled over all his clothes, and no matter how much soap he uses it won't come out. But mixed in with colon is the smell of his shampoo, that I love. Sometimes before I wake him up I'll sneak in and steal his shampoo, and then after my shower return it. Later that day he'll stick his head in my hair, and go, 'did you use my shampoo?' pretending to sound very upset, and I of course deny it. 

            Okay, I've got to stop. If I wrote all the reason's I loved him it'd be longer than the actual story. Belinda calls me a hopeless romantic when I get in these moods. But I can't help it, James gets me that way. I wonder why he loves me. I mean seriously, I'm nothing special. Just like any other girl. Why the hell did he choose me. He's probably going to break up with me as soon as he sleeps with me. No we haven't yet, we're only 17 and I told him that I was going to be a virgin until 18. But the thing is, he never fought it. He was just like 'whatever you want, I'll wait forever for you'. Is that sweet or what? 

            Okay really stopping now. I couldn't help it. But I promise, no more mush. At least for now. 

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A/N: So what do you think? I like it, and might get pretty far, maybe. Sorry about the fluff at the end, it just came out, and I couldn't stop it. Next chapter probably not a much fluff. I think Lily's going to get a boyfriend. I got a little off track this time, with the whole Casey and Remus thing, I'm not exactly sure where it's going.  Can you tell I like to babble? Okay I'm done now. Oh and the whole lights off thing, I got that from a different Lily and James story, but I can't remember which. So I'm not saying I own that. Actually I really don't own any of it. Okay one last thing…REVIEW!

-Gretch


	2. Why Guys Suck

Disclaimer- haven't we already been through this, but just in case you forgot… I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER! Or any characters that you recognize. In truth I own nothing in this world but I would be forced to kill you if you stole my plot, Casey, Belinda, Brad or anyone else I forgot. So here we go again… **Past's Gone By.**

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            I was quite excited that night, the first time in all 4 years, I didn't fall asleep until well past midnight. Belinda, Casey, and I stayed up talking. The other two girls in the room, Leah and Emily weren't too happy with us, but they eventually fell asleep, and I was way too hyper to sleep. We were chatting when Casey brought up James. I groaned, to which she laughed. 

            "Why won't you give the guy a chance?" She asked, making sure to keep her voice down. 

            "Cause he's a bastard and the only thing he wants is my body. He doesn't know me, doesn't care about my mind, and has no idea how to go about getting me." Casey smiled, and shook her head. 

            "You don't know him either. Maybe you should get to know him." I glared at her, with my, 'what the hell are you thinking' look.

            "Why is it all of a sudden my job to get to know him. He's the one who wants to date me." She shrugged.

            "All guys are the same." Belinda said from her bed, where she was lying on her stomach, reading the Daily Prophet. "That all they think about." Seeing Casey's face she added. "I mean, not Remus, well I don't really know Remus, but I'm not saying that he's a…" She trailed off at our laughter.

            "I know." Casey reassured her. While I was thinking, 'you are completely right'.  I didn't say that though, I wasn't sure how Casey would react. Instead I answered.

            "Just stop talking Belly." I had taken to calling her that, as Belinda is far too long to say every time I talked to her. She pouted and returned to reading the paper in front of her.

            "OWLS this year," That would be something I liked to call a 'random thought of the day'. As Casey said that she stared into the distance, not seeing anything here. I shrugged, not sure as to what I was supposed to say.

            "Uh, I'm sorry?" I said it as a question, but it didn't matter because Casey was completely oblivious to anything going on around her. "Case? Hello?" Still not paying any attention to anything she muttered.

            "I really hate Potions." Again not sure of what to say, I stayed silent, knowing Casey wouldn't notice. "Professor Labale has no idea what she's talking about." Considering Professor Labale is our Herbology teacher, I had a feeling something was wrong. When I glanced over at her I noticed that not only was she lying back into her pillows, her eyes were closed. She had fallen asleep. Apparently I wasn't as exciting as I liked to think. 

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            Casey and Remus visited just now. It's 7th year and they're still together, something that amazes us all. They were holding hands, and being all lovey-dovey, but as they saw me in the common room they immediately stopped, knowing I would tease them.  

            "So Remus is it true? That all guys are the same, and that's all they think about?" I still had what Belly had said on my mind. Remus looked uncomfortable, as if he'd rather be at the bottom of the ocean then here. 

            After a long awkward pause he answered slowly. "I don't think," Pause. "You can't classify all guys in one group." Another pause. "Because just like girls" he got a little more confident. "Every guy is different. And you can't just say we're all the same." Casey smiled, proud of her boyfriend for thinking that up all by himself. It's nice having a guy do anything you say, or even suggest. I speak from experience. The next day was quite entertaining, as I remember it. Oh yes, that was the day I first met Brad. 

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            I admit I had seen him around, but I had never gone through the trouble of getting to know him. He was a Slytherin, and you know as well as I that those aren't the best people. But I thought Brad was an exception. I should start at the beginning I guess. 

            That morning Casey, Belinda, and I were all quite tired after our late bedtime, but we managed to get up fairly early to take showers. Belinda got up around 6:30, she usually took the longest. Most would classify her as the girly-girl, and as I've said before she's the romantic also. Always looking for the 'perfect guy', and never finding him. And when I say perfect, I don't mean the perfect guy for her, I mean a guy that has no flaws. Have you ever found one of those, cause if you have, give him my number. Her hair always had to be completely right, not a strand out of place. When punctuality was important that kind of got on my nerves. But I always forgave her. She's extremely sweet, and hates it when people don't like her. Although she dressed preppy, she was far from a ditz. You know those girls who hang all over the 'popular guys' (aka James or Sirius) and are all giggly. Where they smile and say in a high pitched voice 'Oh my God, you are, so, totally right, like, I was just about to say that' and then some more giggling. Yah, those girls pissed me off. And of course they hated me because James liked me and not them.  So why did I start talking about them, oh right, Belinda wasn't one of them. Neither was Casey thank God, or I could not have been able to stand her.

            Casey was different, by not dressing exactly preppy, but more like 'I don't give a fuck what you care'. Kind of like me, except I'm going more for the 'you don't like me too bad' look, if that makes any sense. Which now that I think about it, it doesn't. But she really didn't care at all what others thought about her, I think that's what Remus likes about her so much. She can be nice, and never denies someone help on something, unless they're one of those giggly types. But they usually stay away from her too.  She's an actor, and a good one at that Growing up in Muggle England she acted throughout her childhood, and still does in the summers when she goes home. Once she told me she acts every day, and that kind of got me thinking. You can never really trust someone who acts to be showing what they really think, because they might be acting. So then I started thinking that maybe she doesn't like me at all. But I got over that. 

            I'm the balance, between Belinda and Casey, not a prep but not a punk. I really don't know where I stand. I hate describing myself anyways. I never want to say I'm pretty, because I don't think I am, and I sound full of myself if I do, but I don't think I'm ugly either. I hope I'm nice, but what if I'm not and no one wants to tell me? I know I do have a temper, a really short temper. I always apologize after though. 

            I was exhausted that day, because of the night before, I almost fell asleep in my porridge. (Well part of the knocking over incident was just because I don't like porridge but I was tired.) As Casey, Belinda and Remus rattled on about how horrible our schedules were I had to put up with Sirius rambling on about his horrific summer. To my great disgust we had ended up sitting next to the Maraurders, (luckily though James was sitting on the other side of Sirius who was next to me, so I didn't even have to talk to him).

            As Sirius started complaining about the time his brother turned his owl into a butterfly (which he can not stand for a reason unknown to me) I felt someone poke my shoulder. I turned around to see Leslie's smiling face. My eyes half closed I grinned.

            "That guy, over there," She pointed toward the Slytherin table, "Has been staring at you this entire time." I raised my eye brows. She was sitting facing away from me, and the Slytherin table, with the rest of the Ravenclaws.

            "You don't believe me," She accused, failing to sound hurt.

            "Two things. One, why would some Slytherin guy be staring at me, and two how could you tell?" She grinned, knowingly.

            "See the guy sitting next to him." I just looked at her, with my 'who the hell are you talking about?" look and she rolled her eyes in response. "The guy with light brown hair, about halfway down the table, next to the guy with black hair is the one who was staring at you. The guy with the black hair, is the one I was staring at." I tried to take this all in, as she continued talking.

            "His name is Ben, he's got gorgeous blue eyes and the blackest hair in the world. He's the Slytherin keeper and has been since third year. At home he's in a band with 3 of his friends, he plays guitar and is the lead singer." As she paused for a breath I cut her off. 

            "There is no way I'm ever going to remember all that." She shrugged as though this was nothing unusual. 

            "Just my random facts." She smiled. "He of course doesn't know I exist." I smiled with what I hope was a comforting face.

            "Sucks doesn't it? Well that's better than a guy you can't stand liking you." 

            She grinned. "You speak from experience?"

            I nodded. "Too much." She laughed and understood. At that time it was well known that James had asked me out too many times to count, to some this made me a hero, I had denied the James Potter, but to those in James' fan club, I was competition. I didn't care either way what they though. 

            As we laughed James leaned over.

            "Enjoying yourselves, ladies?" I groaned.

            "We were," I answered. He chuckled (I swear, it was a chuckle).

            "Well you sure know how to put a damper on a conversation." He used that cocky voice that he used through sixth year. I'm glad to say part of why he changed was me, but we'll get to that.

            "What conversation?" Leslie asked. "We weren't talking to you."

            "Well I know when I'm not wanted." He paused, not turning around. "This is where you convince me I was wrong." He whispered to us.

            "But that would involve us wanting you to stay, and we don't." I pointed out the obvious.

            "Ouch," Sirius said turning around. "That one hurt."

            "I'll hurt you." I shot back, without turning to face him.

            "You know what James," he said standing. "I think it's time for us to go." James stood and looking straight at me said:

            "I'll talk to you later." I rolled my eyes.

            "Can't wait." Sarcasm filled my voice as he smiled and walked away. As the two left Peter jumped up and scampered after them. When they were out of hearing distance Leslie burst out laughing as though she had been holding it in, which I'm sure she had been.

            "That was great!" She panted. "His face!" Breath. "When you said." Another breath. "He wasn't wanted." More laughter, I joined in this time, remembering his expression. 

            As we laughed a second year sprinted across the Great Hall screaming.  We paused to watch her as she ran. She left through the opposite door and the Great Hall was silent for a second before normal conversation returned. 

            "What was that?" Leslie asked.

            "What is it ever?" I laughed and we together we answered.

            "Madeline."                

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            There's not much more to say about breakfast. I first saw Brad, yah the guy that was staring at me. I was a little caution at first, he was a Slytherin. That day after classes though…

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            "Lily." I turned at the sound of my name to find Brad (I didn't know his name yet though). Belinda turned with me, because she's nosing and wanted to see who it was. From her gasp I knew she agreed with my opinion. This guy was not hard on the eyes. To put it simply, he was hot. I stood grinning like an idiot for a moment before I answered.

            "Yah?" I know, very cool.

            "Can we talk?" Belinda stood next to me, completely missing the hint, until I jabbed her with my elbow.

            "Uh, right. I've got to meet Casey and Remus. I'll see you at dinner, kay?" I nodded still grinning widely. As she walked off, watching me over her shoulder, she smiled and waved. I turned back to Brad.

            "So listen," He started. "There's a Hogsmede day on Saturday." I smiled shyly and giggled (I admit, it was a giggle). "Yah, and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me. We could go to The Three Broomsticks, or just walk around, or whatever." I grinned, a guy had asked me out! I was excited.

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            I won't lie, I got all happy and giggly around him. I admit I thought it was love. My stomach was always full of butterflies when I saw him and I couldn't talk. Everything I said was jumbled, around him I felt like an idiot, as though I wasn't good enough for him. I though that was love, when someone makes you feel privileged to be 'with' them. I wasn't love though, it wasn't even like.

            I went to Hogsmede with him and we had a great time, or so I thought. But looking back at it I realize how much he used me. I was a toy, something he could lad along and play with. But I had no value to him, I wasn't important.

            I should tell you about Hogsmede, but I won't. Partly because it's not essential but mostly because I'll start crying if I confess how, well, stupid I was. There's no other word, I was an idiot, following him around, letting him show me off. 

            He was my first boyfriend so I had nothing to compare it with. Our relationship lasted 3 ½ months, and a trivial time it was. We ate meals together,  (always at the Slytherin table because he didn't like my friends), studied together (somehow his answers always resembled mine very closely), spent Saturdays together, went to Hogsmede together. I'm lucky Casey and Bel didn't give up on me. God knows every one else did. I think for a while even James thought I was gone for good.

            For a time I sunk into myself, it was all an act. Even around Brad, especially around Brad. I wasn't myself. I lived in two different worlds, that of my peers and my own head. I drifted through classes, taking note, doing spells, I was the perfect student. But one teacher saw past my act.

            Professor Jones, my charms teacher. She had been my favorite teacher for ever and before 5th year I always stayed after class to talk with her. She was the one person I could confide in.

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            One day after class she called me up. As I picked up my bag and slumped to the front, she smiled softly and motioned for me to sit. I did and she sat on top of her desk.

            She was young for a teacher, and had just started teaching my first year. I felt as though she was my older sister, so when she looked down at me and demanded:

            "Spill." I reacted the same way I did with Casey and Belinda.

            "Spill what?" 

            She rolled her eyes. "Don't play dumb with me. I know you, remember? This year I've hardly seen you smile once, last year I couldn't wipe the smile from your face despite how hard I tried." I sighed, debating whether to tell her or not. She jumped down and placed either hand on my shoulders, forcing me to look at her.

            "I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?" It had been so long since someone had said those three words to me. Brad never did, and my parents had been acting differently since I got my letter. I felt tears well up in my eyes. "You are like my little sister, you are the only one I have left in this world, and I will not lose you to yourself." As she said this she pulled me into her arms hugging me tight she whispered. "And definitely not to Brad." I started crying then, not sobbing, just tears running down my face.

            Somehow in what she had just said, she had managed to tell me what Casey and Belinda had tried and failed. I told her everything, how miserable I had been lately, how horrible Brad treated me, how I had been ditching my friends. When I said "Brad doesn't have to tell me he loves me, I know." She took my head in her hands and said:

            "Honey, anyone who makes you this depressed doesn't deserve your love." We talked through dinner, only realizing it when the clock struck 7. She pulled me into her arms whispering: "You'll do the right thing." I sure hoped I would.

            If someone had told me Brad wouldn't care if I broke up with him I would have laughed, but his reaction wasn't far off from that. 

            "Brad," I said as he stood up from dinner. "We're breaking up."

            He stood for a moment trying to understand thing. "What?"

            "We're breaking up." I repeated. As I turned away he asked calmly.

            "Are you sure?" 

            I nodded firmly, "Yes."

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            I've been writing into the night without realizing it. Belinda and Casey came up earlier. But as they fell asleep I continued to write, so involved in my own story. It's as if I'm living it all over again, I didn't know I remember all of it. It's been so long, well, more than 2 years, wait, yeah, 2 years and 3 days. I should have an anniversary of the day we broke up.

            Christmas break started today and I spent the entire day writing. While everyone else was outside having snowball fights. So feel privileged! My parent are going to flip when I don't get off the trian, but I told Emily to tell them I was staying here. 

            I was going to, really, I had every intention of going home for the 3 weeks. But then I remembered Vernon, Petunia's fiancé, was going to be there. And to put it bluntly, the guys pisses me off.

            Both he and Petunia are convinced that I'm not good enough to wipe their feet, which I would never do any way. Vernon doesn't know I'm abnormal (as Petunia likes to say) yet. He'll be told soon enough.

            So what was I talking about, oh right, Christmas break. I was going to bring James home, to meet them, but let's face it. James, well, he's a wizard, through and through.  There's no way he'd be able to last 3 weeks in a muggle home. Maybe I'll bring him home for part of the summer. Who knows?

            Wow this has nothing to do with anything, except now it's only Casey, Belinda, and I in our dorm. The other three girls are nice and everything, but it's great to be just the three of us, well and the Marauders. But instead I chose to stay up here. So you better feel lucky, whoever you are that's reading this. I'm having fun though, so don't feel too bad. 

            I need to go shopping tomorrow, I still don't have a Christmas present for James. What do you get a guy for Christmas? Girls are easy to shop for, jewelry, or trinkets, or chocolates, but what can you get a guy? A shirt, boring, a book, come on. You can't get him a necklace, or a bracelet, and I'm pretty sure James doesn't want a trinket. Which leaves candy. And that's not very personal.

            Ha, you know what I just remembered, after Bel and Case, James is going to read this. Well he'll get a kick out of it. Maybe even give me ideas for next year. This is the first time I've had to get something for James. Last year we weren't going out. Just sort of getting together. What can I say, I was stubborn. Oh well, we'll get there soon enough. Wow, I have to write a lot. 

            I'm going down stairs to the kitchen, I'm starved. I just hope the House Elves aren't asleep. Have you ever though about that? If House Elves sleep? I mean they must right? Well I'll find out.

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

A/N- Sorry it took so long, but you'd be surprised how much homework I've had lately. So I've started writing during class, but then I have to type it all up, which takes twice as long, reading my handwriting.  But I got it up.  We had a soccer game today and WE WON! 6-2 so I'm in a good mood. And now this is going up. So don't kill me if the next one takes a while. I'll try. So what did you think? Good, bad, horrible? REVIEW and tell me. 

-Gretch


	3. This Damsel Has No Need of Being Saved

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter (for all of you who didn't guess)

Here it is the third chapter of **Past's Gone By**

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            Well the polls are in… House Elves do sleep. And let me tell you, they tend to get upset when you wake them up. I made that mistake once and I don't plan to do it again. 

            Last night, after my midnight snack, I came back upstairs and fell right asleep. Didn't change out of my jeans. Have you ever done that? It hurts, a lot. I couldn't move. That might have been because James had climbed in behind me and had his arms wrapped around my waist.

            When he felt me move he moaned. "Stop." I ignored him and rolled over to face him. His eyes were closed and he smiled slightly. I turned onto my back and sighed. I felt him sit up on his elbow. He traced my forehead, running his finger around my face. 

            "You're going to be sore." He said in a sing-songy voice. I groaned.

            "Why?"

            "You wore jeans to bed. That was smart." I sighed again. 

            "You're lucky I love you." He said lying back down again. My heart flipped over as he said that, as it does every time. 

            "Why?" 

            "Because your diary is right there and if I didn't love you," damn heart. "I would've read it." I grinned.

            "I'm a lucky girl." He leaned over and kissed me before asking.

            "Are you going to write again today, or are you going to come outside and play? We missed you yesterday." 

            "Sorry." He sighed and I grinned. "I promised I'd finish it." He rolled his eyes.

            "Fine." He said, standing, trying to sound hurt. "Write. I'll just have a snowball fight with myself then." As if on cue Sirius ran in panting.

            "Hey Prongsy Boy want to have a snowball fight?" James paused to glare at him. 

            "Don't call me Prongsy Boy." He hissed. I laughed and Sirius made a face. They left and I settled back. Back into 5th year, Christmas vacation.

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            Brad and I broke up not long before Christmas, so I was in a particularly cheerful mood on the train home. Casey, Belinda, and I had grabbed a compartment to ourselves, and we were relaxing. I had forbidden Casey from asking the Marauders to sit with us, so life didn't get much better for me. We had almost cleared the food cart completely so we were sitting in a mound of Chocolate Frogs, Berttie Botts Every Flavored Beans, and anything else that had looked good. Something in one of them had undoubtedly been spiked, because about halfway through the trip we were high. Very high.

            "Guess what?" Belinda asked, giggling. 

            Casey and I both stopped laughing. "What?" 

            "My mom," laughter. "Isn't gonna be there to pick me up!" We found this very amusing, for some odd reason. It was probably the Jolly-Lolly-Licorice. So we started laughing hysterically.

            "You're gonna be stuck there!" I said between breaths. 

            She laughed. "I know!" 

            "Remus is coming to my house!" Casey said while laughing so it came out a bit broken, "And my dad is gonna flip!" This apparently was quite funny as well, though now looking back on it, I don't see the humorous part. There we were, falling down laughing when Remus came in, looking for Casey. He paused at the doorway when he saw us laughing. We calmed down a little, taking deep breaths, before he said.

            "You guys all right?" Which sent us off again. "I guess that's a no, then." 

            "Whew," I sighed. "I'm tired." Remus just sort of looked at us, as though we were insane. Though why he thought that I have no idea. 

            "Right then, anyways. Casey how are we getting to your house?" This, of course, was amazingly funny to us, although Remus had no idea what it was that he had said. "You know what?" He said standing, and backing away from the three of us. "I think I'll come back later." As he left we continued laughing. 

            Minutes later, after the three of us were exhausted; I sighed and laid back into my seat. "Well that was fun."

            Belinda giggled. "We're so high." Casey nodded and agreed, while laughing. I grabbed another Chocolate Frog and unwrapped it. As I popped it into my mouth the compartment door slid open and Snape walked in, followed closely by his hooligan friends. 

            "Well if it isn't the Mudblood, and her little friends." He asked, walking in. 

            Casey looked around. "I'm sorry, I don't see a Mudblood, only a Muggle Born who's doing better than you in all of her classes." Snape glared at her as he sat down. 

            "Doesn't change her background." He replied. 

            "And whatever shit you're saying doesn't change our opinions about her." Belinda shot back. I was afraid that if I tried to talk I would end up hexing him, so I stayed quiet. That didn't work for long though. 

            Looking at me next he asked. "So do you always get others to fight your battles." I smiled sweetly.

            "I'm sorry, who was it that got you into the Hospital Wing for a week. I could've sworn that was me." He raised his eyebrows.

            "That was last year. I'm smarter now." 

            "So 'm I." Casey and Belinda had sat back, curious as to how I was going to solve this one. 

            "That I find hard to believe." 

            I grinned. "I could not care less what you do or don't believe, I have more important problems." 

            "Like why your boyfriend broke up with you." He threw it in my face, as though he expected it to hurt.

            "Like how to get rid of a Jackass. One seems to have stumbled into my compartment." I glanced at his friends. "Well, one Jackass, and all of his little friends." Casey gasped.

            "Snivellus has friends?" She asked, using the Marauder's favorite name for Snape. "I had no idea!"

            "I'm pretty surprised myself." Belinda admitted. 

            As Snape reached for a candy I slapped his hand. "Get out." 

            "Or what?" He asked, looking interested.

            "Do you want to spend the whole Christmas Break injured?" I asked, pleasantly.

            He chortled, there's no other word for what he did. "Normally I'd be worried, but see, I've got something that might be of some use to you." He held up my wand and studied it. "I'd like to see you hex me without it." I saw flames, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if my hair was sparking.

            "I come from the Muggle world, and believe me I've learned better ways of hurting people than hexes. And none of them involve a wand." He chortled again.

            "If you weren't a girl I'd believe you." 

            "And if you weren't a girl I'd kick your ass." I said smiling.

            "I'd like to see you try." He was daring me, and as I was about to smack that guy about I heard James' annoying voice.

            "Give her the wand back." I turned to glare at him.

            "As much as I know you love playing the hero I am not a damsel in distress." He rolled his eyes at me and turned back to Snape.

            "Why do you still have the lady's wand?" He asked, which really pissed me off.

            "You don't even have the decency to call me by my name? I'm just 'the lady'? Should I spell it for you, or are there too many long words. _I don't need your help!_" I emphasized the last sentence trying to get it through his head. 

            "You don't have your wand yet so apparently you do." He sounded exasperated, as if I was the one being difficult. 

            "You don't exactly have my wand in your hands yet either!" Neither of us noticed Snape as he and his followers left, leaving my wand on his empty seat. 

            "Well I might by now if you didn't keep interrupting me!" 

            "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was disturbing you. Why don't I just sit back and look pretty? Would that help?" I was practically fuming as I yelled this. 

            He grinned cockily. "Actually that'd be great. Now you just stand back and I'll deal with…" He trailed off as he noticed that Snape was gone. "Dammit, you made me lose him." I made a noise of disgust.

            "Excuse me? I made you lose him? You must be very confused because before you came along I was doing great and if you hadn't shown up then I wouldn't have lost him!" Belinda was laughing while she spoke up.

            "Guys?" 

            "What?" We yelled in unison. 

            "Lily's wand is right there." She pointed at it and we both paused. 

            "That's not the point." I said after the moment's silence. 

            James sighed. "Then what, pray tell, is the point?" I sneered at him.

            "That you think you can waltz up and save me when I don't need saving! And the whole, 'lady' thing! If you're going to talk about me at least can you call me by name?!" 

            "I don't have to take this." He said turning around. "I'm leaving."

            "Good riddance!" was all I could think of to say. As the door slammed shut I collapsed into my chair with a sigh. Casey handed me a pillow which I promptly stuck my face into and screamed. 

            "Well," Belinda said after I was finished. "That was amusing." 

            "He is such a… a… AGH!" Bel and Casey looked at each other and rolled their eyes, while I continued ranting. 

            "He thinks he's so great! Sauntering in here as if he owns the place! How dare he call me 'the lady'! As if I don't even deserve a name! Who does he think he is?!" I was pacing around the room, not really talking to Casey or Belinda. "One of these days I'm just going to kill him! Then what will he say? Then will he believe I'm capable of actually doing something?!" 

            "Lily?" Casey asked, cautiously.

            "Don't interrupt me I'm venting!" I yelled, before returning to pace. "This was supposed to be fun and cheerful! I was purposely not going to run into him, but what does he do? Goes out of his way to piss me off!"

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            I went on like this a lot, and Casey and Bel learned how to tune me out.  I had finished complaining by the time we reached the station and as we climbed out, more sober than before, Belinda's situation seemed more urgent. 

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            "Belinda," I asked as the train slowed to a stop. "Where are you going to go?" She shrugged. "How are you getting there?" Another shrug.

            "So basically," Casey explained. "She's going to completely wing it." Bel nodded, refusing to speak.

            "Come home with me." She shook her head. "No come on. It'll be fun, and we can freak out my sister's annoying boyfriend." 

            She smiled. "I don't want to intrude. Christmas is a family time." 

            I shook my head. "No, you're coming. Let's go." We grabbed our trunks and hauled them onto the platform. Waving to Casey we walked through the barrier entering the Muggle world. I saw my parents as soon as I stepped out. Standing by themselves, trying to avoid being seen by anyone else. I waved to them and they returned a smile, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. 

            "They don't want to be associated with me." I whispered to Bel as we walked over, plastering a mile on my face I greeted them. "Mom! Dad! It's so great to see you guys again!" We exchanged forced hugs before my mom noticed Belinda.

            "And who's this?" 

            "Mom, Dad, this is Belinda, a friend of mine from school." They both shook her hand, their smiles not reaching their eyes. "Her parents forgot to come pick her up. So I volunteered to take her home. Is that okay?" 

            They nodded and assured us that it was no problem, although I saw they weren't too happy with the idea. Ever since I received my letter my parents have been cautious with me. They acted proud and 'ever so happy' but everything changed. It was as if they were afraid their real daughter had been kidnapped and I was just replacing her. 

            "Your parents hate me." Bel whispered as we followed them to the car. 

            "Don't feel bad, they hate me too." I grinned.

            "How can they hate you?" She asked, astonished. "You're their daughter." 

            "That's what you think." I lowered my voice. "In reality I'm just an alien who abducted her body and am going to kill everyone in the house." I added an evil laugh at the end for fun.

            "Is that what they think?" Belinda still could not believe that my parents hated me.

            "Something along those lines." I answered smiling as we climbed in the back.

            The car ride home was normal strained conversation. My parents knew nothing (and still know nothing) about wizards or talking to them. Which may be the reason I'm not bringing James home. I entered the house, awaiting Petunia's shriek.

            "There's two of them?!" I didn't have long to wait, the second Belinda closed the door we could hear her voice. "Mother! Why did you let her bring a friend?!" My mom smiled at Belinda, trying to distract her from Petunia's piercing voice.

            "You can stay in Lily's room. Lily can you show her?" I nodded and started dragging my trunk up the stairs followed closely by Bel.

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            Belinda just came in and started reading over my shoulder. When I asked what she was doing she demanded.

            "Why are you writing about Christmas? It has nothing to do with James!" 

            "Because," I retorted. "It has to do with me." She sighed.

            "This story's not about you! It's about James!" Then she saw my face. "Well I mean, it is about you, but it's just, oh whatever. Write about Christmas, but skip the week after." I agreed, basically to get her to leave.

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~

            We stayed in my room until dinner, avoiding the rest of my family. Belinda had never been in a completely Muggle household, and she was fascinated by my room. When my mom yelled up the stairs that dinner was ready I led the way to our dinning room, stopping in the kitchen to grab plates first. As I set them around the table I explained to Belinda the 'rules'.

            "Petunia's boyfriend is a Muggle, so we have to be extremely careful around him okay? One: don't ever mention Hogwarts. If he asks, you go to my school. Two: If he asks where your parents work say the government, and don't get into the details. Three: Don't under any circumstances mention the word Magic. And lastly remember, this is going to be really different, anything that relates to our World do not bring up." She nodded once, to show she understood, before sighing deeply.

            "This is going to be difficult." 

            I smiled and reassured her that everything would be fine, before my parents came in, leading Vernon, and Petunia, who was clinging onto his arm. She was doing the ditzy, giggly girl routine. Remember earlier how I described the kinds of girls I can not stand? She was doing an excellent impression of one of them. 

            "Oh my God, Vern, you are so completely right!" And then some grinning flirtatiously at him. To be quite honest, it was nauseating. As  we sat to eat Vernon noticed Belinda. 

            "Who's this?" He grunted.

            "Belinda," I answered. "She's a friend of mine from school." He then informed us of all his friends their names, jobs, hobbies. It took quite a while even though there were only 32 of them. 

            I zoned out, trying not to hear his voice until Belinda poked me and motioned toward the door. I got the hint, she was as bored as I was. 

            I stood up. "We're going to go. We've got some homework  to do. We want to finish it early." My mom nodded half heartedly. 

            "Sure honey, whatever."

            "We'll probably go out later." 

            She nodded again. "Okay." I grinned at Belinda and taking our plates we left. As soon as we entered the kitchen Belinda let loose.

            "That was insane! The guy is so full of himself!" She was laughing so hard her sentences came out in breaks. "And he actually thought we cared!" I feigned amazement.

            "You didn't care! I was fascinated!" we walked up the stairs still laughing and as we got into my room Belinda grinned.

            "Are we really going to do our homework?" She asked, I shook my head.

            "Hell no. We're going into town!" 

            She grinned. "This place has a down town?" I shrugged.

            "More or less." 

            As I crept past the dinning room door Belinda grinned and started humming the James Bond theme. 

I smiled and plastered myself to the wall. I slunk down the hallway staying up against the wall and Belinda followed my example, still singing. 

            As I crawled towards the front door I heard Belinda giggling. I turned to face her, still on my hands and knees. I looked down at the two pairs of feet and as I slowly lifted my gaze I saw Vernon's confused face. I grinned up at him, trying to look as innocent as possible.

            "Good to go Bel," I said. "No nails at all." Belinda continued laughing as she opened the door and waved to Vernon. "Well see you later Vern ol' pal. Don't wait up." I grinned again and crawled out the door, closing it behind me. 

            As the door slammed shut we burst. Lying on the front porch laughing, just remembering his confused face.

~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~                      ~          

            Vernon was born stupid, and I'm being nice putting it that way. This guy has no idea how to survive in life. He is oblivious to everything around him. Last time I saw him I mentioned Hogwarts by accident. He stared at me for a moment before asking:

            "Is that in London?" And I just smiled and nodded, because that's the only way to get by with him. 

            Petunia hates it whenever I say that, the truth is though he was her first boyfriend. The first guy that could put up with her. And he'll be the last too and guess who has to go to the wedding. Yup, and I'm supposed to bring someone too. Great! It's in April and it'll be a whole bunch of annoying Muggle's asking me how school's going and when James and I are getting married. That is Hell, let me tell you. And if I didn't bring James it would be all the old married ladies asking me why I'm still single and trying to set me up with their daughter's husband's friend's brother, or something. I've been through that before and it's not happening again. Maybe I'll be sick. Hmmm, now that's a thought. 

            Oh God, how did I get on this subject. I am hopeless. That's the only word for me. I am never going to amount to anything. Maybe one day someone will read this and shake their head and say: "Why did this girl bother recording her life, she's so boring." And I'll say: "It's not my fault, blame Belinda!" Ha, if anyone reads it that is. Wow depressing thought. Maybe I'm writing all this for no one. Because no one cares. 

            On another thought though, why should anyone care? I don't care about their life, why  should mine be so special? What is the point of living? The happiness? The pain? Will it ever amount to anything? We all eventually die anyways, why do we bother living? Would the world change at all if I died? Would it affect anyone for longer than a week? Everyone would forget about me until I was just a vague memory. Maybe people would talk about me years later. "Do you remember Lily Evans?" "Lily who?" "Evans, she died a couple years ago." "Oh yes, Lily, I hadn't even thought about her until you mentioned her." "Well why bother remembering her… she's dead." 

            Would anyone cry? I doubt it. Why should anyone cry over poor, quiet, shy, Lily Evans, who never amounted to anything? If I was someone else I wouldn't. Hopefully one day someone will care enough about me to talk me out of these moods, instead of just ignoring them like everyone else. I help them ignore it though, by pasting a smile of my face and laughing over everything. My theory: If I don't let anyone else see I'm hurt then I'm not vulnerable. Letting someone know all my fears and hopes would leave me open to anything, with that power they could kill me slowly, day by day. So instead I shut everyone out, not letting them see the real me. That's all I want, someone who can see it and would never use it against me. But I'm getting doubtful. For a while I thought it would be James, but he doesn't see all my fears. Maybe someday I'll let him, but until then I'm all alone in a world full of pairs…

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A/N: Sorry about this, my boyfriend dumped me so I kind of went through a depressed 'why live?' faze. Next chapter will be more cheerful, Lily's going back to school and we get to meet Sirius! Fun scenes, I'm looking forward to it. Sorry it took me so long but I'd get my laptop back long enough to write a page and then they'd take it away again. So I'm taking advantage of the time with it. No idea when the next one should be coming out. Hopefully soon.

As always I'll LOVE YOU if you review because I only have 9 and my friend has 100 and that's kind of depressing. But oh well, I'll put it up anyways regardless. 

-Gretch

PS: Madison wants me to change the name to Time's Gone By, but I want another opinion, so anyone who cares say something.

PPS: Pomegranette, Tiara who ever you are YOU MADE MY DAY! I LOVE YOU! I was so sad because no one had reviewed in a week and I wasn't expecting anyone to and then I saw your review.  I love you all, everyone who reviewed THANK YOU!


	4. An Encounter With Sirius and a Project W...

A/N: Yeah, I know it took forever but hopefully you'll all forgive me. Obviously I didn't come up with Harry Potter, that would be JKR's brilliant work, I'm just borrowing them for a while. So here's the 4th chapter of **Time's Gone By.**

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            Well Belinda was right, nothing important happened over Christmas break. The time was spent avoiding my family or out around town. After break though we had an interesting few classes in Ancient Runes, which I personally think is a horribly boring class and Professor Bennett didn't help the matter.

            For all of you who know Professor Bennett, you're aware that she doesn't tolerate anything. You step one toe out of line and you're glad to be alive. So when one day I looked up to see her grinning I was intrigued, until I saw the reason.

            "Sirius," She said, trying to hide the smile that was threatening to emerge. "Get your feet off my desk and put my peanuts away!" I turned around to see Sirius Black, another infamous Marauder, relaxing in her chair with his feet on top of her papers. When she said this he feigned astonishment.

            "These are my peanuts! I brought them in!" She just gave him a look and a frown crossed his face. "Well fine." He stood up and put the can away in the cabinet, exchanging it for one of her extra waters.

            "Sirius," She had given up trying to teach as we were much more interested in the boy who had Professor Bennett wrapped around his little finger. "What are you doing?" 

            "I'm taking a water bottle." His tone said 'isn't it obvious?'

            "You can not just take a water bottle." She was failing miserably at sounding stern.

            "No, no, no, see last year I left some Sickles in here, so I paid for it." He answered with a shrug. Professor Bennett rolled her eyes as he started to wander aimlessly around the room.

            She returned to her lecture, but everyone's attention was one Sirius, as he sauntered over to the windows and glanced out, before sitting in an empty desk near the back. Professor Bennett looked expectantly at him, waiting for an explanation, but he just waved a hand at her.

            "Just pretend I'm not here." While she started talking again he turned to Ashley who was sitting next to him. "What's she talking about ?" He asked and Ashley shrugged, she had zoned out with the rest of us when Professor Bennett had started talking.

            Sirius threw his hand into the air and without waiting for Professor Bennett to call on him, he called out. "Professor you're not teaching there student very well! This girl doesn't know anything!" His words brought more laughter from the class as Ashley looked horrified. 

            "Sirius," he looked up as Professor Bennett said his name. "Where are you supposed to be?" She asked, deciding that teaching the class would be useless.

            "History of Magic, but Binns didn't notice me leave." He answered.

            She sighed again, "Sirius go back to class."

            He stood to leave. "I guess I'll go." Walking reluctantly toward the door he glanced back to be sure she had gone back to teaching. Taking a detor he grabbed another one of her many water bottles. "Thanks!" He called.

            She looked up, "Sirius…" She warned.

            "I need one for lunch." He defended his actions but she shook her head, and his voice drifted off. "But I need a drink, just this once." He stammered but she shook her head again. "Well fine, I'll put it here then." He opened her bottom desk drawer and popped it in.

            "Goodbye Professor!" He yelled smiling. "I love you!"

            Her voice was weary as she returned. "I love you too Sirius." and then she continued teaching, as though nothing had happened, but the class was restless and she couldn't keep our attention. 

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            The next day he returned closer to the beginning of the class. I'll admit I thought he was a little funny, I had to force myself not to let a grin cross my face. As I kept reminding myself: he was a friend of James' and that couldn't be good.

            "Hello Professor!" He said, waltzing in as if he actually belonged here. She smiled wearily, knowing another class period was cone, but her sparkling eyes revealed her good mood.

            "Hello Sirius."

            He grinned and walked across the room, dropping his books onto her extra desk. Professor Bennett stood at the front of the room, watching all this with a smirk.

            "Where can I sit?" His voice was filled with joy as he asked. Professor Bennett sighed and ignored him, returning to lecturing the uninterested class.  

            Sirius collapsed into an empty chair near the back of the room, where he stayed for about three seconds. Jumping back up he skipped over to Professor Bennett's desk and pulled out the water bottle from the bottom drawer. At our laughter Professor Bennett looked up and sighed.

            "Sirius," His head jerked up in confusion. "You can not just take a water bottle."

            He scoffed at her and dismissed her scolding. "Course I can." At her raised eyebrows he continued. "I put it there yesterday so one could take it." As if that explained everything.

            Ignoring her look he skipped over to her extra desk and flopped down in the chair. Noticing that she was watching he looked up. "Don't worry about it Professor." She rolled her eyes and continued lecturing as Sirius started rummaging through the desk. Pulling out a pair of mittens he gasped. "These are MY mittens!" Professor Bennett looked up startled and calmed down when she saw it was nothing important. "You stole MY mittens! No wonder my hands were so cold!" He put the rainbow colored mittens on as she ignored his accusation and 

            The door opened and James stuck his head in. I groaned inwardly, this was my one period without him, as in I wasn't supposed to have to deal with him. 

            "I love you Professor!" He yelled, and seeing Sirius his face showed his surprise. "Hey it's Sirius! What are you doing here?" 

            "Oh I told Binns that helping her move something." He replied, taking no notice of our  laughter.

            "Hey can I help?" James asked excitedly. Professor Bennett shook her head, at how her classroom was turning into a circus. James took a piece of paper from Sirius and started muttering to himself. "Pencil… Pencil… Ah here we go!" The class watched intently as he picked up the 'sign' and walked over to the wall. Pulling a tack from one of the posters, leaving it to hang lopsided, he murmured. "You don't need all these tacks." Pushing it into the wall he called out once more. "I love you Professor!" 

            She smiled and replied. "I love you too, James." As we read the sign giggles broke out. 'Professor Bennett is beautiful.' 

            Now, for those of you who don't know Professor Bennett, let me tell you something… nothing could be further from the truth. Maybe in her day she might have been borderline on pretty, but she'd let herself go. At a ripe old age of… to high to count, she weighed ten times more. All of her extra weight was right around her hips, making her waddle when she tried to walk. The fat came in handy though, when she wanted to rest her chubby little fingers somewhere. When she laughed her triple chins jiggled and her shoulders heaved up and down. So either James was sucking up, or a liar, or both.

            "James really is quite bright." Sirius laughed as she said this. "No really."

            "Yes really Professor."

            She continued laughing, complete with the chin jiggling and shoulder heaving. Moments later Sirius jumped out and rushed out the door. We faintly heard a thunk and then Sirius' voice: 

            "Oops, sorry!" Followed by laughter, before he skipped back in and collapsed in the chair. Waving his hand at Professor Bennett he smiled confidently. "Don't worry about it Professor." Our class ended with just some minor incidents, which are too funny to record.

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            The next class Professor Bennett was in the Hospital wing, or just trying to avoid Sirius. So Headmaster Dumbledore stood in her place and let's all admit it, he has a soft stop for the Mauraders. He was okay with Sirius staying, as long as he was 'good'. Which of course Sirius was, all he did was glue her desk drawer shut. And for the first time that year, I'd found myself waiting for the next Ancient Runes class, just to see Professor Bennett's reaction.

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            "Professor, you might want to get someone to look at this drawer!" Sirius giggled. "It won't open." He had of course, being the smart kid he is, used 'super-everlasting-completely-unremovable-stick-to-everything-glue.' So after Professor Bennett got us started working on our project, and tried to open the drawer, all of the spells she used were completely useless. And all the while Sirius stood behind her smiling innocently. We all found this quite amusing and when realization finally dawned on her we broke into laughter. 

            "You glued my desk drawer shut!" She accused Sirius, who pretended to look horrified that she'd even consider such a thing.

            "Of course not!" He denied, but Professor Bennett had already figured it out.

            "You DID glue my drawer shut! Sirius how could you?!" 

            "Now Professor Bennett," Sirius started, trying to calm her down. "I can fix this, don't you worry." He started investigating the desk. "Well, it certainly does look as if someone used 'super-everlasting-completely-unremovable-stick-to-everything-glue'." He sounded as if he just stepped out of an add. "Now why someone would do this, I don't know." He ignored her astonished face. "All I need is a knife." As Professor Bennett's eyes widened he flounced back to her main desk and started fumbling through it. 

            "Sirius, what are you doing?!" She shrieked, her unusually low voice suddenly rising a few octaves. 

            He waved a hand in her direction. "Don't worry about it, I'm just looking for a razor blade." 

            "A…A razor blade!?" She asked over the classes laughter. Sirius looked up and nodded.

            "I think a razor blade will work better than a knife," He paused for a minute searching through her desk to ask. "Do you even have a razor blade?" As she shook her head Sirius' eyebrows met above his nose in concentration, and then he shrugged. "Scissors will have to do." 

            He bounced back to her side and said trying to sound intimidating. "Stand back Professor, I can handle this."

            Professor Bennett shook her head in dismay, surprised that she was letting Sirius anywhere near herself with a knife. "Be careful Sirius." 

            He scoffed at her. "I won't hurt my… oops." He paused for a moment scared at whatever he saw, before looking up and grinning forcedly. 

            "Sirius…" Professor Bennett cautioned. "What did you do?" 

            Sirius just continued smiling and pushed what he was holding further under the desk. "What are you talking about? I didn't do anything." As he said this he seemed to be convincing not only her, but also himself.

            "Did you break my scissors?" she asked.

            He shook his head. "Of course not, I am ver responsible with…" He trailed off as Professor Bennett said:

            "Accio Scissors." and the scissors flew out, in two pieces. He smiled again.  

            "Now Professor Bennett," He began. "Remember that you love me."

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            Belinda's not going to be very happy with me but… I thought this was important. Wow, it's been a while since anyone cam to check on me. I'm going to write one little thing about Sirius and then I'll go check.

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            That was when my opinion of Sirius changed, before I that week I had always though of him as an arrogant, annoying, full of himself bastard, the same as James. But for the first time I saw him for what we was, is, a carefree child, so happy just to be alive and no once could take that joy from him. All the little things that we take for granted, he adored. He could spend hours on end lying on the grass watching the clouds drift overhead. 

            His pranks weren't done to make the opponent's life miserable, in his own twisted way he was trying to get them to be thankful. That their hair wasn't always bright green, and they didn't always talk in rhyme or tell their deepest secrets. He was trying to show everyone how he saw the world and if we all saw it that way then it'd be such a better place. 

            Not only that, he was trying to show others that in order to be happy, you had to be able to laugh at yourself and stop caring so much what people thought about you. As soon as Sirius thought a 'victim' had learnt those two things, he would insist the pranks stop. Amazingly enough he was slowly converting people to his way of thinking. And that's when he convinced me. 

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            I found out where they all went. They're having a snowball fight outside, without me! Of course I did tell James to go away this morning, but still! It's the second day of break and I'm still writing this, I was sure it wouldn't take longer than a day, because my life is so unbelievably boring. But I guess there is stuff to write about. 

            The next few weeks consisted of massive amounts of homework. Our teachers said they were "preparing us for OWLs." Wouldn't it be smarter though to let us rest right before them. I mean really, they were Hell, and they're nothing compared to NEWTs. God, I am so not looking forward to those. Oh my God, those are coming right up, damn, that's really going to suck. I really should study for those. Of course I also should buy James a gift. I know I should have done it a while ago but… I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET HIM!

            Belinda, great, just in time.

            She asked what I want. As if I can't greet my best friend without wanting something. What does she think I am? All I need is something to get James. Well that's great, she has no idea.

            Now what am I going to do. Belinda's supposed to be the one with all the great ideas. Oops, she didn't like that much. And she told me to stop writing. Well fine, I was only writing for her in the first place. Ha, knew that would work. She said she'd think about it and ask James. Then she told me I'd better start writing or I'd never finish and had I written about the time James and I got paired together. Which reminded me that I haven't yet.

            It wasn't as horrible as you'd think. We agreed not to talk to each other unless completely necessary. Well I agreed for James.

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            "Lily, stop being so stubborn." James was sitting across from me at the library as we tried to study, or I tried.

            I glared at him over the open books. "James, you're violating our agreement." I pointed and James sighed.

            "Lily, it we're going to work together, we'll need to talk."

            "Only when necessary." I had returned to studing, only looking up when I absolutely had to. James sighed once more and gave in. As we were sitting in silence Casey and Remus came over to visit us, sitting down in the two empty seats. 

            "So, how's it going?" Remus asked.

            James looked up from his book to glare at me. "She won't talk to me." He complained.

            "Not true," I denied, staring at my open book, but not really reading. "I agreed to talk to him when absolutely necessary." 

            James threw his hands up in disgust. "See what I have to deal with. That's all she'll say 'when absolutely necessary'. Have you come to save me?" He pleaded.

            Casey shook her head and took my side. "She doesn't need to talk if she doesn't want to. You guys can get along fine on the project without communication." 

            I nodded and tried very hard not to give James an 'I told you so' looks, well not _that_ hard. "See Casey agrees with me."

            "But Remus agrees with me." James shot back. "Don't you Rem?" We both glared at Remus who put his hands up in surrender. 

            "I'm not getting in the middle of this." He stood to go and Casey followed suit. 

            "we need to work on our own project. Just say if you need anything."

            "A new partner." James and I said in unison, turning to smile, but we both quickly changed it to a glare.

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            James has physic powers or something, he always comes in when I'm putting him down or writing about how much I hated him. He's trying to get me to have a snowball fight again. And it would be so much easier to say no if he didn't have those gorgeous brown eyes. Do you know how hard it is to deny those? So while he and all my friends are outside having the time of their lives, I'm stuck inside! There's about two feet of snow and it's light and powdery but also the perfect snow for snow-men or snowball fights. AGH! I hate this! I have to sit inside and look out the window to see the snow covering the ground but I can't play in it! Okay, so what was I talking about?

            Oh right. James came in begging me to come outside, followed closely by Sirius, who's messy black hair was covered in snow flakes. Sirius insisted that it wasn't as much fun without me because Peter had gone home for vacation so the teams were uneven. I told him that I was terribly sorry, but I absolutely had to get this done. He just stuck his tongue out at me and stalked out. James gave me one last pleading look before walking after Sirius. Although I hate seeing him sad I'm forced to finish this stupid thing.

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            "Lily, go to bed." And he thought I was stubborn, he refused to stop telling me that I was tired, as if I didn't already know!

            "No," I started to say but it turned into a yawn somewhere.

            "You're going to fall asleep any minute." He insisted. "There's no point in you staying."

            "If you're staying, I'm staying." I told him in between yawns. 

            "Then I'll go to bed!" He agreed and scowled when I shook my head. "You're not getting any work done anyway."

            I shook my head again, while I yawned. "Not true."

            My yawns were contagious and James' eyelids were starting to droop. "Lily, we both need to get some sleep. We can finish tomorrow."

            I let my eyes close for a minute, relishing in the relaxation, before jerking them open. "No, we'll finish it tonight."

            "Lily," He groaned, rubbing his eyes. "I'm going to bed."

            "Fine." I said forcing myself not to yawn. "I'll do it myself."

            "Lily!" He cried out, shaking his head.

            "Must I remind you that this is worth 25% or our final grade. I refuse to fail." He tried to interrupt me, but I was on a roll, "Just because I was forced to work with you does not mean that I am going forfeit the good grade I would have gotten had I received a better partner." He was starting to look outraged and I probably should have stopped there, but of course I didn't. "Now although you are a trouble maker and a jackass could you please cooperate with me for once and pretend that you're not an arrogant jerk who doesn't care about anyone except yourself!"

            "Is that what you think I am? A trouble maker and a jackass? An arrogant jerk? You know I was trying to be nice, I was sure we could get along if we had to. I thought, hey, maybe for once Lily might give me a chance, but who was I kidding?" He shook his head sadly and then grinned mischievously. "Well you haven't seen anything yet." His cockiness returned. "You want to finish the project go right ahead. Have fun. But I'm going to bed. Good night Evans."

            I finished the project by myself, finally going to bed at 3:15 in the morning. And if I thought my little speech would affect James, I was wrong. He returned cockier then ever, as if he was trying to prove a point. The next time we spoke was right after OWLs. But now it's time for dinner. I wasted a whole other day, and I'll waste tomorrow too. But you know what, I'm starting to enjoy this. It's actually kind of funny, writing about my past. I wonder what James remembers about our little fights. Now that's a thought.   
  


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A/N: Well here's another chapter, and it didn't take me _that_ long. Sorry I was working on another little piece that was for a contest. I'd love you if you review either. Who know's when the next chapter will be out, depends on how much homework I have, and how much homework I do. Probably not until after Christmas, before if we're lucky, and seeing as I have no luck that probably won't work. So I'm not promising anything. Oh well I'm happy with myself for getting this one out (and you better be too Madison!) As usual I love all of you that reviewed! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! 

-Gretch


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